"Okay, well, not that I’m privy to the events that transpired this evening, but I cannot imagine that you are capable of something so terrible that it can’t be forgiven." When he looks away, she grabs his face with her small hands so that he has no choice but to look at her. "Finn, whatever it is – whatever this thing you said is – it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It doesn’t define you.”
Do not kiss her. Do NOT kiss her.
His eyes close at the feeling of her skin upon his. He’s trying desperately to hide his obvious feelings for her because he knows it isn’t fair to want her this much this late. There was a time when he could have had her, but he’d blown it. So why can’t he just be the bigger man and let her move on? His mom had once told him it’s what you did for the people you loved.
And he really loves her.
"Trust me, you’ll change your mind once you hear the truth."
Her brows scrunch up in worry. “Finn, you’re starting to scare me. Please just tell me what happened. I won’t judge you. Trust me.”
And he does. He really does. So he tells her.
"I called Kurt a fag." Never in his life has he hated a word more than in this moment. It sounds even worse saying it to her, and he’s completely disgusted with himself for even thinking it.
Rachel’s eyes grow wide with surprise, and he’s literally stopped breathing in anticipation of her next move. He’s waiting for her to slap him, yell at him – something – but he finds himself waiting for nothing after a full minute of silence passes.
What is she thinking?
Why hasn’t her hand made contact with his face?
Why does he have to care about her reaction so damn much?
And then she finally speaks. “Did you mean it?” Her voice is so low that he wonders if it’s not a figment of his imagination. It’s scary as shit because Rachel Berry is nothing if not loud, and yet for the second time today, Finn practically strains his ears to hear her talk.
"I – um, huh?" Too many thoughts and emotions are running through his mind, and he’s finding it surprisingly harder than usual to form full sentences. Like, with nouns and verbs and… proverbs (no wait, that had something to do with the Bible).
When she starts to look a little offended, he rushes to find the right words to say what he means. “No, that’s not what I meant.” Squeezing the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, Finn continues, “Look, Rachel, we both know I’m not the best with words. The thing is – the reason I said that name – I didn’t mean to say it out loud.”
Her eyebrows rise at his statement.
"Not that I think it either," he says quickly. God, he’s really fucking this up. "Okay, well, maybe a little but more in a way where I think of him as gay… not a – well, you know."
"Not really," she answers, and he can tell that she’s starting to get more than a little upset. Coming to her had been an awful idea. For crying out loud, she’d been raised by two gay men! Did he really think her of all people wouldn’t take it personally?
He’s seriously about to cry at this point, and he doesn’t even give a crap that Puck would totally beat the shit out of him for acting like such a pansy. This girl has a ridiculous power over him that should be like, illegal or something.
Too freaked out to say anything else – because he would without a doubt fuck it up – Finn quickly stands up from Rachel’s bed, attempting to make a move for it before he further humiliates himself. Before he’s able to make his escape, however, she roughly grabs his hand and jerks him back onto his recently vacated spot. If he wasn’t so damn upset, he’d be so totally turned on. She’s like, really sexy when she’s pissed off, and he’s suddenly having dirty thoughts about her involving a whip and some hot naughty school teacher outfit.
These are the times he’s reminded that there’s at least some testosterone left in him.
"If you think for even one minute that you have the right to show up at my house, utter that deplorable excuse for a word, provide absolutely no explanation in regards to the context in which it was originally stated, and then cower from my reaction like a – like a – “
"Pussy," he throws out by mistake.
Word vomit, meet your soul mate, Finn Hudson.
Speechless is a fabulous one-shot by WaitingForTheWorldToChange, which also manages to be quite hilarious with all its internal Finn ramblings and his penchant for word vomit. It deals with that troublesome night he called Kurt something he shouldn’t have and got thrown out by Burt - and gives us a wonderful scene between Rachel and Finn as he’s turning to the only person he feels is truly his friend inspite of everything. I wish this had been on the show.